This
Months | Previous
antiGUY gives his
top 5 list of music stuff. Could be songs, people, a stupid trend... nothing
is sacred to antiGUY
Top
5 Music Reality TV Shows You Will Never See.
Reality, Reality everywhere but not a show
to watch?
Ah yes we are now suffering from reality
TV overload. Ok, survivor was originally a fun exploration in sociology
and had more backstabbing than a cheesy soap opera and the Real World’s
second season had a lot to offer before it turned into a “pc” whine-fest
starting with season three in Sin Francisco. Even the Osbournes was enjoyable
until the hype surrounding it went into overdrive and the man who was once
considered music’s prince of darkness became the loveable foulmouthed TV
dad who was a bit quirky and hard to understand.
The success of the Osbournes got programmers
minds racing once again and the inundation of new reality TV shows has
started. Things didn’t start on a high note either, they scraped the bottom
of the barrel and brought us Anne Nichole, the supersized dimwit who just
doesn’t appear smart enough to realize she is being made fun of.
What’s next? That’s the real question.
The folks at Viacom and scrambling to latch on to the trend they helped
further. Remember Viacom owns CBS(Survivor, Big Brother) and MTV (The Osbournes).
VH1 will soon have an entire lineup of reality type shows to bore you to
no end. But where do we draw the line? Isn’t TV supposed to help us forget
about reality for a while? Which amount of stupidity is too much for the
airwaves, even for the room temperature IQ’s demographic of Viacom’s core
audience? That is what this Top 5 is all about. Here are the Top
5 Music Reality TV shows we will never see. Then again, someone at Viacom
might read this and get a wild idea, so watch out! The Reality TV trend
is about to hit critical mass. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Top 5 Music Reality
TV Shows You Will Never See.
5) Britney Spears… Get to know the
real Britney Spears. She’s not just an ample bosomed pop singer in a Catholic
School Girl’s outfit. Watch as Britney smokes on a balcony, cusses out
fans, and flips paparazzi the bird, tells reporters she’s still a virgin
and runs at the first rumble of thunder. Dig deep into the soul of a pop
star when she reveals her deepest thoughts to the camera, “like I’m a star,
you know!”
4) Justin “Poodlehead” Timberlake
– Watch as Justin turns to the producer while recording his next solo hit
single.
Justin: “Hey this song needs something
extra.”
Producer: “What do you have in mind?”
Justin: (Sings) “ooooooooooo”.
Producer: (covering his ears) “Wait a
second I need to put the voice processors and reverb on!. Ok try it again”.
Justin: “ooooooooooo”. (comes out of the
speakers in a lush wave of artificial sound)
Producer: “that’s it!”
Justin: “I better get a song writing credit
for that!”
3) Missy Elliot – Catch Missy as
she composes her next chart topping song. She turns on the drum machine
and attempts to write lyrics… “Yo I got the flow, in da house yo, tight
ass beats yo, yo I got da flow…” perplexed she turns to her assistance,
“Yo what rhymes with flow?” Her assistant scratches her heads and says,”
Yo, I don’t know, yo”. Then head into the studio and watch her work her
record producing mastery with other rappers! “Yo, this song don’t flow
yo” she reaches over and adds an extra beat to the drum machine pattern,
“yo, now ya all’s tight, yo!”
2) R.Kelly – Hang out with R.Kelly
outside a local Jr High School as he tries to entice little girls to go
back to his apartment with him, “Yo, wanna piece of candy, bitch!”
And
the Number One Music Reality TV Show You Will Never See.
The Real World – Hell! - Watch the fun
unfold as Fred Durst, Vanilla Ice, Andrew W.K., the Baha Men, Crazy Town
and Bono are picked to live in a house together, to find out what happens
when people stop being stars and start being jerks. The highest rated
episode will show Bono trying to walk on water in the backyard as Crazy
Town gathers around a speakerphone trying to convince a journalist that
they are a real band. Meanwhile, Vanilla Ice gets angry while watching
Eminem on MTV news and yells, “I made you bitch, wit out me you’d be another
trailer trash whiteboy! That’s my move, he stole my move!” Then the Baha
Men burst in and angrily shout, “Who let the dogs out!” Later that night
as the roommates relax in the rooftop hot tub sipping diet margaritas,
Andrew WK turns to Fred Durst, “why are you so angry all the time Fred?
You gotta learn how to Party! Start by not bathing for a week and using
the word party in every line of your songs!” A pensive Fred Durst
turns to his roommates and makes a startling revelation, “I’m angry because
ever since I was a little boy I’ve felt like I was a women stuck in a jock-rockers
body”.
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