John "Ozzy" Osbourne remains one of rock's most unlikely stars. He admits he "can't really sing." He says he can't play any musical instruments – you probably wouldn't want to hear him try. In Black Sabbath, he rarely even writes the words he wails – bassist Geezer Butler is the band's lyricist.

Yet Ozzy's been fortunate enough to work with some of guitar's greatest heavy-riffing talents, more of whom later. One thing Ozzy does do well is entertain, onstage and off. He certainly gives "good quote." Here are just a few pearls of wit and wisdom from his I Am Ozzy autobiography and beyond…

Ozzy in his own words: "Never in a million years did I think I'd end up making a career out of singing. I didn't think it was possible. As far as I knew, the only way I could make any dough was to go and work in a factory, like everyone else in Aston [Birmingham]. Or rob a [expletive] bank."

"I don't consider myself a great singer - but I have a connection with the audience. There's the artist, and then a void and the audience; but I like to be part of the audience. I'd like to be them, and I'd like them to be me for an hour and a half."

"One of the few good things about being dyslexic is that when I say I don't read reviews, I mean I don't read reviews."

"Of all the things I`ve lost, I miss my mind the most."

On Black Sabbath's music: "What is this? It`s music to get a brain seizure by."

"I got rabies shots for biting the head off a bat but that`s OK - the bat had to get Ozzy shots."

On The Osbournes TV show: "I knew it was time to get off of reality TV when someone asked me if I sang as well as acted."

"The funny thing about getting married in America was that we needed to get a blood test before they'd give us a licence. I wouldn't have been surprised if the bloke from the lab had called back and said, 'Mr Osbourne, we appear to have found some blood in your alcohol.'"

When asked about how long his adolescence lasted, Ozzy quipped: "It will be over around the year 2083, I think."

"I love the smell of armpits in the morning. It's like victory."