Paralyzed Bon Jovi Fan Sues
12/14/2007
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(Hecklerspray) A Bon Jovi fan has launched a $14 million compensation claim after he was paralyzed at a gig in Edmonton, Canada. Initial rumours suggest that Dennis Schulz suffered a dislocated spinal cord when he was crushed by an overpowering force of mediocrity that had been building like a whirlwind, reaching its destructive crescendo somewhere between the second chorus of Bad Medicine and the opening chord of Always. Schulz reached a level of boredom that scientists refer to as 'The David Gray Effect', where mind and body becomes so aware of the dullness of the immediate moment that the spine gives up on you, and tries to flee the body.However, further research into the matter revealed that this was not the case, and that the injuries was caused by Schulz getting caught up in a brawl. Initial reports suggest that the crowd became so overwhelmed with the mediocrity of the situation that, in what scientists call 'The Collective David Gray Effect', where the mind and body become all too aware of the collective dullness of the immediate moment, that the only effective therapy is to lash manically out at the bored soul standing nearest you. However, further research into the matter reveal it is almost totally unclear as to what sparked the brawl. Schulz has filed his lawsuit against four fans, staff, promoters and the venue in Edmonton, but not the band, who have got away with it scot-free. - Now read this Heckler Spray report "Paris Hilton Gets Naked For Booze" 
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