Is it a hit, *hit or miss?

Ron Sexsmith – Cobblestone Runway  by Scott Slapp

Ron Sexsmith – Cobblestone Runway 
Label: Nettwerk America 
Hit, *hit or Miss?:  *hit
Rating: 

...this stuff is about as compelling as a book of tax regulations. 

When I signed on to write for antiMUSIC I didn’t know that I’d be covering comedy CD’s. I have a hard time believing that this album is serious. It’s either that or I’m stuck in some weird timewarp and ended up in a bad infomercial for a singer/songwriters CD for K-tel?  I haven’t heard anything this slow and boring since the theme to “Touched by an Angel”. Wait, “Touched By An Angel” rocks harder than this.  Not to be dissin’ on Ron Sexxsmith, the dude can play and has a voice, it’s just his music will put a speed addict to sleep. I thought Def Leppard and Chris Robinson’s new CD’s were slow but this stuff would make a turtle seem like a Porche. Seriously, I can’t figure out if this dude is trying to do folk or slow country or just thinks that it’s 1972?  At least James Taylor and Cat Stevens had songs with catchy melodies, this stuff is about as compelling as a book of tax regulations. 

I could be totally off base and this guy may be the musical genius that some people make him out to be, but to me this sounds like bad coffee house music or music for those aging hippies still stoned out of their minds living on communes in Oregon or worst yet songs for the kind of people who tune into to “Seventh Heaven” every week.  If given a choice I might have to go with elevator music over this disc but if you’re into barbiturates or are deaf you might dig this CD. If you’re a rocker you gotta avoid this disc like Michael Bolton’s greatest hits, but expect the SUV yuppie crowd to make this guy a superstar, it’s got that ultimate level of lameness that Yanni and Kenny G fans might be able to jell out to it but call me a idiot critic, I think this guy needs to have a pot of coffee or a couple of Red Bull’s before he attempts to write music for another CD, either that or get with the 21st century. 

Right now one of Ron Sexsmith’s 12 fans that happened upon this review is cursing me and getting ready to cry, “Are you nuts? Ron is the best! Even Rolling Stone thinks that he is great!” That’s fine and all but I just don’t hear it and I could care less what Rolling Stones says about anything and the fact that they would give Ron Sexsmith or Eminem higher ratings then Led Zeppelin speaks volumes. There is no way in hell this dribble is comparable to the great singer songwriters like Paul Simon, James Taylor and Cat Stevens. He’s not even a poorman’s Stephen Bishop. Maybe if Ron wrote a song like “On and On,” there would be a reason to rave but judging by this disc which was torturous to sit through, Ron Sexsmith isn’t the shining songwriter he is made out to be. If you want to hear a great songwriter who could tell a story with his songs then buy any of Harry Chapin’s albums. Ron Sexsmith doesn’t even come close. I can’t figure out what some of the critics who praise this guy are thinking? It might be that they are old hippies who fried too many brain cells or are too young to have heard real singer/songwriters? (I’m only 24 and I know the difference). Ron Sexsmith is a sign of the times really. If something this bad can be hailed as great then that must mean everything it’s being compared against is really bad. After sitting through this disc there is no need to wonder why his first couple of albums didn’t sell and he was dropped from Universal records. I will say in his favor that "Cobblestone Runway" is a fitting title for this disc because this music is as antiquated as cobblestone. If you like this guy, than knock yourself out or let the music put you to sleep but don’t mistake this mishmash of melodrama put to sound as great music. 

I keep waiting for my editor to slap his knee and tell me that this was a bad joke, but I’m afraid that this was a serious attempt at an album and some yoyo’s are going to be calling this the album of the year! I know there is a market out there for this as there are people who think Yoko Ono is a musical genius. Maybe those who praise this sonic sleeping pill really can’t stand it but they don’t want to seem uncouth to the clenched jaw types that claim Yoko’s music is incredible?  Maybe I didn’t take enough drugs or was born too late? Who knows it’s just bad enough that it might go quadruple platinum but for people who are hangin’ here at antiMUSIC unless you’re in a coma I wouldn’t recommend this album unless I wanted to get my ass kicked!  Go buy Aimee Mann’s new disc instead or if you want a slow disc that has some great songwriting then Beck’s got a new album out that will entertain without putting you to sleep. 
 
 

Tracks: Former Glory  These Days  Least That I Can Do  God Loves Everyone  Disappearing Act  For A Moment  Gold In Them Hills  Heart's Desire  Dragonfly On Bay Street  The Less I Know  Up The Road  Best Friend

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