Greetings from The Mobile Lab. What’s that? Why is the Lab mobile?? Well, loyal reader (and I mean that literally...I’m probably down to just one reader now) your good friend Dr Fever has been on a bit of break. I had to escape the Lab and get out. Now, granted, most of my time away from the main Lab is fuzzy...Jack Daniels and Miller High Life are to blame for that one...but, s***, the walls were closing in. And, since gas prices are liable to break 3.00 a gallon this summer I figured I’d better get while the gettin is good as the saying goes.

It wasn’t until myself, My Attorney, and The High Preacher (I’ll explain later) left Montreal in handcuffs the other day that I decided it was time to check in with Keavin. Needless to say, he was not pleased. Apparently he had run out of valium and I could almost LITERALLY feel him trying to reach through the computer to ring my neck...Editors are a weird sort. But, then again, alcoholic columnists with no concept of deadlines are WEIRDER. Not that I’d know or anything....

I kept trying to explain to him “BLAME THE HIGH PREACHER!” I just wanted a cozy, quaint, week or so escape with the Attorney...but then the High Preacher got involved somewhere around Pikes Peak and things started to get haywire.

As for the leaving Montreal in handcuffs thing? Yeah, well, I’d love to tell you all about that...but....lets just say my Attorney and some very picky Canadian officials have STRONGLY advised against that. I’ll say this though; They may have some quality Strip Clubs up there in ol Montreal..but when you’re so drunk you don’t even know what time zone you’re in AND you’ve got a beast of a man like The High Preacher throwing down 151 and Molson like it’s water AND bad mouthing their beloved Montreal hockey franchise (the Montreal Canadians for those of you not familiar with the sport)....no amount of pleading from your Attorney is going to stop things from happening. BUT THAT is all I am at liberty to discuss right now.

So, anyway, here I am in Buffalo with a laptop in our rundown hotel room trying to figure out exactly how we’re going to make it back down to West Virginia (the Canadian officials STILL have our car) and I decided that it was time to fill you in on something. Something that I never EVER EVER thought I’d say. You see, in my time on this great journey of mine there are two things that have managed to stick in my mind, meaning, things I haven’t been so drunk I’ve forgotten. One is that this season of The Sopranos is BY FAR the strongest season they’ve had since the Third season. So many memorable moments...I can’t believe there is only 10 episodes left in this shows great run. THE OTHER thing that has stuck with me...and this is where your mouth is liable to drop dear, loyal, single reader.... Viva La Bam is the second best show on Television behind the Sopranos.

Yes, I just went on the record saying something on MTV is on par with The Sopranos.

Yes, i am COMPLETELY sober right now.

And, yes, I am 100% serious.

The thing about Viva La Bam is I didn’t want to like it. I just wanted to chalk it up as another bulls*** MTV attempt to avoid showing videos or something along those lines...then I wanted to chalk it up as just another attempt to appeal to the Hot Topic crowd....then , well I forget what I wanted to chalk it up to but I’m sure it was a damn good excuse.

After all that; I finally watched it. And I was, in a word: FLOORED!

I couldn’t believe my eyes. Here was a show (yes, it’s very similar to Jackass in a lot of ways...and not just the fact that all those people were ON the original Jackass series) ON MT-f***ING-V that I truly truly enjoyed. Now, my memory is not so wrecked as to not remember that once upon a time, back before the onslaught and overexposure began, that I said MTV had gotten it right with the Osbournes. Ok, so, I was wrong. I’m man enough to admit that. But, this time....Jesus, I just don’t see this one failing.  And, here’s why: If MTV tries to f*** with the basic concept of Bam Margera is doing with this show he’ll just stop doing it. It’s that simple. I can’t imagine he’d continue to do a show where he didn’t have at least a majority of the creative control, and god knows he doesn’t need the money (he’s quite the successful professional skater in case you didn’t know)...so, I truly think that if this thing starts to tank, or if MTV tries to tweak it to much...then it’s over and done. No Pepsi commercials with The Donnie and Marie Osmond....no daytime talkshows...no horrid fat bitch with a twinkie addiction records..none of that. Gone. Bam, and Dunn and Rake, Raab and all the rest can just call it quits and go back to terrorizing Don Vito off camera instead.

So, there you have it. My contribution for the month. Hey, hopefully I’ll be back in July with something. Hell, I imagine I will. The High Preacher is on a bit of maniacal jag right now so I don’t see this ending without some sort of insanity....and he’s STILL pissed about being BANNED from Canada.

Goddamn Canadians. Always jumping to conclusions....

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