The strange times of recent weeks and months continue at the lab. I can't quite explain it all, but odd vibrations surround me of late. Not sure what's the blame for this foulness. But at least the hallucinations have stopped. No more rabid bats and venomous mice, just silence. Silence and solitude. At least, that's what My Attorney told me to say. The paper work still hasn't cleared. Shit, I've lost my train of thought...oh yes, yes. I remember. I think I do know the answer to one of the troubling problems, prepare yourselves for this one folks, MTV has managed to produce a program that is (*gasp*) ENJOYABLE.

I've got to admit, I’m hooked. For years, I've waited, hoped, prayed that the nitwits at MTV would come up with something, ANYTHING that could appeal to a person like myself. I honestly couldn't tell you the last thing they've aired that I could sit back and watch without my 'critical bastard' hat on. Maybe 'Headbangers Ball', but even that had it's "Jumped the Shark" moments. But at any rate, they've done it. I will now officially go on record as saying that "The Osbournes" is one of the most entertaining and watchable shows on television right now (right up there with "The Simpsons", "The Job", "Titus", "Dennis Miller Live" and "Pardon The Interuption" as far as my opinion goes). It's scary, but I now find myself flipping channels and staying on MTV long enough to see if there happens to be a re-run of the show running at that particular moment. Me, Dr Fever, liking (let alone supporting) something on EmpTV. Have I gone mad?? Are all these years of hard living catching up with me?? Or, is it ever so possible that some schmuck at EmpTV had enough brainpower to go:

"Hmm..we need something that appeals to people over the age of 4. We need to go in a totally different direction here...hmmm...I know, let's throw someone up their that'll scare the s*** out of them!! Let's do a show about SHARON OSBOURNE!! HAHA!! GENIOUS!!"

Seriously, the show is entertainment at it's best. Maybe I’m going insane but you cannot beat the comedy of watching Jack Osbourne (Ozzy’s slightly 'off' son) blasting Meshuggah at 2 in the morning because his neighbors have decided to start a war against the Osbourne clan. Only to have this followed up the very next night by dear old dad calmly picking up a massive chunk of wood (I’d say a good 5 to 10 pound piece), calmly walking through the gate and up to the side of his annoying neighbors house, toss the thing through the window, and non-chalantly walking back like it was the most natural thing in the world. Pure Comedy. Now, granted, it does show a side of Ozzy that none of truly want to see: the older, calmer side of Ozzy. We all know that in the old days, Ozzy would have just walked over and bit the heads off their pets.. probably would have drank their blood too. But that was then, this is now. 

*Sigh*

In a nutshell, this show is worth watching and actually makes "reality TV" (the subject of a future rant, trust me) almost (I stress that word) good. But, one diamond doesn't totally make up for the s***-storm of stink that is reality TV. At any rate, "The Osbournes" provide us, the TV viewing public, an actual 30 minutes of watchable programming on EmpTV. Now, the other 23 and a half hours of the day suck complete ass on that station.. But at least there's that half hour we can hold close to our hearts. As a matter of fact, I will now also go on record as saying we need another show like this. Same premise, BUT, we let the cameras follow around Axl Rose. Oh my dear god, can you imagine the possibilities?? I can, and the whole concept makes me giddy with joy. This MUST happen, and it must happen NOW.

Two final, unrelated points. First, I’d like to send a "shoutout" (as the kids would say) to the guys in The Icarus Line and the guys who do Buddyhead.com (the latter being one of the best sites on the web. period. A close second in my opinion behind this site as the prominent, tongue in cheek music sites). It seems that our friends in Buddyhead decided to raise a little hell at the South By Southwest Music Convention. The guys from Buddyhead, instead of sitting on the music panel decided to give their credentials to Jeff Wood of Dillinger Escape Plan and SHAT (one of the most entertaining people god put on this rock) and a black transvestite. Not to be outdone, the Icarus Line followed this lovely display up with their performance at The Hard Rock Cafe. Now, this gig goes against everything that the guys in The Icarus Line believe in terms of music (they are, along with Buddyhead, the proverbial middle finger in the face of Corporate Music). So, to make the night memorable, part of the way through the set, the singer for Icarus Line runs over with his mic stand, smashes open a glass display case holding one of Stevie Ray Vaughns guitars, grabs the guitar and tries to plug it in and play it...until he and the band were chased out by security. According to what I've heard, both Icarus Line and Buddyhead are banned for life from that particular town (which I believe was Austin, Texas). At any rate Icarus Line/Buddyhead, I salute you. 

And finally..a new feature in the column..this month we debut... WHO DR FEVER THINKS SHOULD DIE HORRIBLY. 

This month, I nominate Courtney Love. An obvious first choice I know, but her actions of recent months have driven me to the breaking point kids. I see images of her on TV I flip off the television and scream in disgust and anger. But Courtney I do agree with you on one subject you've brought up in recent months..I wish you'd have never married Kurt either. That way, you'd be a heroin junkie somewhere, Kurt would still be alive, and i'd never have to see your ugly ass face again. I sincerely hope that when this whole lawsuit with Krist and Dave comes to pass, that you lose and in the process you get stripped of any "power" you have over the rights to anything Nirvana related. You're raping myself and my fellow Nirvana fans of what we crave and I dare say deserve (the boxset) and you're a plague on the music industry. But, then again, I hope you achieve you're precious "musician union" as well. Hell, I hope you get a little Rock and Roll Teamsters going on there and that you end up the leader. THEN I hope you end up like another "famous" teamster leader, Jimmy Hoffa, and I hope you disappear from this planet for ever you money grubbing, murderous BITCH! 

I feel so much better now. Wait! I hear the gong and I crave whiskey! I must go...so, until next month... 
 

Questions, Comments and stupid reasons why Courtney didn't kill Kurt (HAHAHAHA) should be emailed to:  PureRockFury@antimusic.net
 
 

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